Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Tired.

I'm so tired. It's 5:50 & I'm at Starbucks about to go into work. I want a different job. Or the hope of something better to rise u and take over.

Monday, May 24, 2010

questions 4 Dan, for sketches

If there was one thing you could let people know, what would it be?

I love them, I need them, sometimes I don't say it. I like old worn vintagey things. I like those old Indian Motorcycles and the style that comes with them. I want to be that cool. Like I want to smoke a pipe because it looks cool not because I actually want to smoke.

I wish I had a nice vehicle and could take people on road trips. Camping, laughing, drinking Arizona tea, building a lighter fluid soaked campfire.


I want to ride a road bike around my hometown. I want to have more energy to give. I want a job that involves fun people.

I want to make funny videos that make people laugh and they send it to their friends.

I want to read the scripture and soak it up and live it and walk on the sidewalk on a sunny day. Not read and read until I feel guilty about something.

I want to be a good man. I want Lynn to be proud of me. I want to act in something and get paid for it. I mean anything at all. I want to at least say that I've done that.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dreams of mine.

Dreams of mine....

1. Make funny videos with friends.
2. To have me and Lynn move into a house someday.
3. Get sleep
4. Get connected to God more.
5. Can't wait to get married.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Come ON!

If there ever was a time to have some good luck...now would be the time. I hate having to tell my fiance over and over again that we can't get married yet because I don't have enough money and work. I've been busting my butt trying to find work.

Come ONNNNNNNN!

Monday, April 05, 2010

Julie & Julia key pointers

Me, my mom and Lynn watched Julie & Julia again last night. That movie always make me think that creating something is possible. Starting from scratch is possible. Let's pick some major pointers from the movie...

1. Julie wrote about what she loved.
2. Julia did different things until she found what she loved.
3. Julie was already a writer and she fused that with cooking. 2 things she loved.
4. Julia had to rework what she'd created.
5. Julie wrote even when there weren't any readers.- Even her mom didn't really believe in her while she was writing.
6. Commitment- Julie committed to cooking through the book within a year. That truly shows persistance. When you're doing something you have to stick with it through the ups and downs, to press through the bad to get to the good.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Easter

I got to hide pastel eggs for my fiance to find. She yelped and danced as her and my mom looked around. Lynn made a briskety thing with beef & onions and carrots.

Before that we got to ask my mom questions. Just questions that we've been looking at as we go through the premarital book.


My belly is full, my fiance is laughing on the phone I am a happy man.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Characters

My mom totally missed her flight this morning to Los Angeles. So she's gonna be here 6 hours later than planned.

Question for Dan?- "What would each persons character be if they were in a short film? What would it be about? and why?"

A: Dan,Cowboy for sure.
Lynn- A prairie woman.
John Corrigan- Oddball, lanky quirky oddball.
Calder- A mad scientist, he travels time or makes potions, or keeps clocks in perfect order. Or an insane writer.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I have a dream.

I have a dream...
that one day Me and Lynn can be fun. And dance around in the living room. That we can go to a nice restaurant every once in a while and not worry about it. That we can create something whether written or video that can make some money. Enough to pay rent for the rest of our lives. We'll drink tea and have friends over. We'll be able to really laugh. We could have a fireplace. We'd wear vintage clothes and listen to records. And we'd be able to make decisions better than ever before.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

i hope fun never stops.

Had a good time in acting class, doing a scene from "Private Lives". I was extremely nervous but got to do it again. And I really had fun with the end result, even though it was rough around the edges. I felt good, with myself. I made some strong choices, even though I didn't know for sure if they were good or not. I just went for it.

Now I'm off to a MB show (mish mosh). I hope to have fun. I think I could totally do this for a living. I think that with good training I could definitely do this. I feel like there's a sponteneity inside me that can come out once I know those lines.

I hope that one day I can have fun with that. That fun doesn't stop. Even when I've got all sorts of fears and worries and mortgages, fun doesn't stop.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Success looks different

I just watched a brief video called "broke" that made me think about what is success. Is success a certain bar that we reach? or a certain dollar sign? or a certain number of fans?

Also the idea that we don't have to wait for big producers to give us the green light to achieve something good. We don't have to wait on someone to say yes to our dream. I honestly think that we can create good things in the now.

I think now I have to ask myself, what do I call success? What do I want to create? How can I be a positive voice? To serve, to be good, not for selfish reasons only. But how can I honestly do good?

Comedy and laughter are things that come to my mind. I want to make short videos that make people laugh. Maybe that means I have to work on my writing, my teamwork skills, and a multiple of things, but that's what I want.

Friday, March 12, 2010

See it to the end.

Well I didn't make it one week without watching a movie. What movie? Sherlock Holmes. It was pretty cool actually.

I think my main thought is that I watch tv a little too much. I think instead of creating and doing something, I dissapear into the world of tv. I can remember doing the same thing when "Friends" was on. I would skip out on homework.

I think part of it is laziness and part of it is fear of how hard life can really get when you dig down in the trenches. Working on what could be called your dream is a lot harder and more a grind that you think it could ever be.

A lot of acting and being on stage comes from hours and hours of rehearsals, memorizing lines dissecting words written by a smart man. Let's say you want to try to be the man that writes, well that's hard too. Everyone in the world can write and at some point wants to write a script.

I think the final difference is between the people who just write and never finish and the people that see it to the end.

It's probably the same with anyhting....acting, writing, painting, becoming a pastor, teaching, etc.

Dear Lord I want to be someone who at least finishes something worthwhile.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Morning Pages #1 online

So part of writing for scripts and blah blah blah is that a good way ot start brainstorming is to write "morning pages". Which is just some writing, asking yourself questions. Something that's helped is when I've asked myself questions to pull out what's in my mind. To eventually write from a place of honesty and what I know about. Vs. staring at a blank page for too long.

So...
Q: Dan, what do you think is important about money? Do you want lots of it?

A: Whew, well that's the question of a lifetime Dan. Thanks for getting to the heart of the matter. Hmmm, I don't think I've ever been taught about money or success or any of the above. When I grew up I never really thought I needed it. I wanted to grow up to be almost a bum. And live on the skirts of normalcy, perhaps a bum moving from place to place. I remember telling people that in high school. I wanted to live in Colorado in a van and wait tables. And live off the money that I earned and ski.

I think I've had that dream for quite some time, just in a different form and fashion. I think I want the freedom to create, to write and dream and not worry about jobs. I don't think I've ever had good luck with pursuing money for moneys sake. Still today when I look for work, it's the worst experience I've ever had applying to places that you know the second you leave they'll throw your resume right in the trash, or at least metaphorically.

I think my brain wasn't made to think about money. My mind is very abstract. I think I was meant to be a creative. Whether it be an actor, writer, painter, speaker, comedian. I'm a brainstormer. I'm never really focused on the final product just the having fun in the creative process.

Now that's never a formula for success, and by that I mean a formula for money. So maybe I should focus on money. Or I should focus on producing.

As for money itself, I think I want a great place to have kids and live with my future wife Lynn. A place to invite people and laugh, eat great food that Lynn's experimented with. Kids running around with crayons and curly hair.

Sometimes to make that happen, money has to come. It's a strange world for a creative person. I don't think it was made for us to really survive well.

(Well God, I'd love to spend some time thinking about these things with you. I pray that you speak to me about these issues. I love you and try to do good things for you and my life. )

Saturday, March 06, 2010

No movies by myself...for one week.

So I've now had a morning where I didn't have to go to work and I don't have an awefull headache. It's a rainy day Sat. Oscars are tomorrow. Hope Jeff Bridges wins and Meryl Streep too.

Apart from that, I just wanted to document, to have it written down. That today I feel much better than say last wednesday night. Wed night I honestly had stress pumping through my body. It was honestly stress, unhealthy.

Let it be written to remind myself that life can get better. My mind is much clearer today. Well for the moment. Life is still hard, but my mind is clearer.

I know that I've been closing myself off from people and from doing anything. Because of money and because of fear. I'm afraid to have fun, to relax, because I think it looks bad if I'm not getting a job. Because I need more money and a better job to honestly get married and be comfortable. I'm not even talking anything extravagent. I'm just talking paying rent and bills.

Anyway,so no movies by myself for one week. I just want to see how that goes. I think it's a place that I love, but I should not hide in them.

So see you then.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Don't worry about money.

Hold on, I've gotta go to the bathroom....Ok, I'm back. I just watched Leaves of Grass with Edward Norton. I enjoyed it. What a crazy but grounded movie.

So I've been seriously running around looking for work and not succeeding in any way. Only a few brief interviews but nothing beyond that. I try and put on a good face and tell them about myself. But everyone wants serving experience. Nobody's willing to take a risk on me. I had a tough time last night dealing with that. My heart rate went sky high. I only had 4ish hours to sleep last night ad woke up half way through that with my heart still racing.

One thought I had while I was watching the movie was that it feels like either God is saying or I'm just feeling it. But I think I've been pursuing money/work to be able to pay rent and survive when me and Lynn get married. And pursuing money has NEVER worked out for me. I wonder if it's just not what I'm supposed to be thinking about? Like should I just make coffee and focus on other things like creating and writing and filmmaking.

I think the reality of not having much money is too real and too arresting to deny. However no matter how many times I try and chase it, it ends in fizzling out. That doesn't mean I should go after it though. I think my mind set of wanting to provide is right, but the logistics and planning aren't neccesarily coming through.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Let loose

I'm watching Youth in Revolt and I don't like it very much. I however do like this idea that every man should have a wild side that they let loose. I feel like sometimes the world is too tame. Or I should say that I feel too tame. It's interesting, cause I think the wild man that you should let loose should be controlled in some way. Like a focused strength.

Strength without focus is anarchy. Bad things happen instead of good.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Just pick something and go for it.

I went to the Mosaic film team meeting tonight. It was really great to see people hopefully come together to create short films or sketches. I would love to be a part of it. I signed up for the think tank. Maybe I can use my brainstorming powers to help. I've always thought I was a good brainstormer.

Dear Lord, send me in the right direction with my life. With my creative juices. I love comedy, I love the idea of creating it. I know that I need to get out of a funk sometimes. I did a good job today going to the meeting when I really didn't know what to expect at all. I should do that more often.

I feel like I have a great potential to be someone who's a great artist and able to use other peoples energies as well. I wish I had that one thing that I could do and ride that for a while at least. I think I've thought that my whole life. There's too many options.

That's true. Just pick something and go for it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A cup of coffee.

I've had my first cup of coffee in the last 4 days. It made the whole day much better. Now, did it make me more productive? No. But I am at least enjoying my day more. I'm a little jittery but the headache is leaving.

Please let that be a foreshadowing of some good things to come.

not crush, but grow.

I sat in the sun this morning and soaked up the rays. I wore my sunglasses and shorts. I just might do it again to warm up.
I want to write a comedy sketch today. Not sure if it'll happen. Still getting over being sick.
Got a meeting with Ear Buds tonight. Then after that a "meeting" with Magidoff & Gabe. About the new team structure. Who knows what'll happen with that. I kinda wish we didn't have to pay for a coach. We had a great team going, it coulda been great. I mean like I feel like epic.

Like many areas of my life, it's all become under a microscope and scrutinized. Hopefully to make me a better person. To make me grow, even when I don't want to or feel like I can't. It's a crucible.

I pray that I can form and mold and grow into a productive human being. The kind that people look up to. The kind that my kids look up to. But I don't see it right now. I feel like the more pressure I get from the outside, the more it reveals that I cave in. Where perhaps another person would grow and achieve. Sometimes I crush.

Lord I pray for your strength and wisdom to not crush. I want to breath in and feel good about the day. Start honestly enjoying the day. But I don't think that comes without hard work?

Well today is a new day.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bust through walls

I've heard it said that sometimes when God closes a door it's for a purpose or that he opens a window or something like that. But then what if there doesn't seem to be any window or door open at all? You start busting through walls.

I've just started to understand taking initiative and that God has given me my brain to make decisions. I've heard a thousand times about people praying and praying and praying for God to let them know what to do. Not that God doesn't have the power to audibly talk, but it's been quite some time since it's happened. Then the reality is that God probably won't tell what to do. Then he leaves decisions in your hands and wants you to seek him the whole way through it. All the time allowing you to use your wisdom through the Holy Spirit ( or the essence of God if you want to think of it that way), to make decisions and all the time bringing glory to God. Why because you rely on him, faith in him, you use wisdom and faith all at the same time. You honestly don't know the outcome of decisions, but you learn from them.

Of course you can lean to far on one side and think that you're taking things into your own hands when you make decisions. On the other you can make no decisions and wait for some sort of specific sign...all the while not making any decisions and wanting the safe and "clear" answer form God.

Of course decisions take time, because if you make too fast decisions with unclear motives it's not wise at all. But if you've honestly sought God and what he has to say, then push through and take initiative. Then I could actually see how if you waited for God to give the clear answer the less faith that would actually take. But taking off with trust actually takes more faith.

In Matthew 21:21 Jesus says "I tell you the truth, If you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done."

I guess the important difference between decisions is faith. If you make decisions solely to get what you want done for sefish reasons then that wouldn't be faith. But if you move with wisdom and reason then you're more on the right track. Then the question arrises that will we ever know enough wisdom or reason to move? Well that's the battle. I don't know the answer to that one. So each person is going to have to deal with that one on their own terms.

Wisdom also becomes more and more with ease the closer the relationship with God. When you know who he is and what he has already said then the more prepared you will be. You couldn't say that practice makes perfect but practicing the relationship with God brings wisdom, Kinda like I said in the first sentence of this paragraph.

So seek wisdom with all you've got, all the resources that God has given you. All the people around you; pastors, friends, mentors, etc. And then move. Bust through walls and you will find a way that you never knew was there. It might or might not be what you expected but to live with it and learn. Then the more walls or window passages you take the more you know how to handle the next situation. So don't stop moving. Just imagine what could be on the other side.

One day I will

One day I'll find out where I'm going, but that doesn't mean the wandering will stop.

One day I will wake up in my own house and see my wife staying in the same bed, as if we were married or something. I'll get up to and put clothes on, because that's what people do. Then remember that I have kids and have been alive for 35 years and try to figure out where the time went.

One day my children will sit in my lap and listen to my stories however silly or goofy they might be. But then I'll also tell them stories of how I've traveled, of how their dad loves God, about how I've learned to live out what's in my heart.

Today I will do what I can to start to become who I want to be.

tell the story and be part of it

cover me with symphony
sleep in cars with telephone
backwards music video of my life
tell the story and be part of it
grab the stick and it's a sword
eat a hotdog it's a feast
read the words and complete the circle
I'm here because it's in me
drive for miles to where you're meant to be
superpowers are really real
stop the train to save the world
or let it cruise through you
cigarette smoke grows in fields
the same way life grows in the heartbeat
the rhythm repeats what feels natural
I don't understand anything in a maze
but symphony orchestrates my path to follow

afford it?

Dear God, I'm seriously sorry about the times I've been lazy. I pray that somehow I'll be able to afford to get married.

In the midst of looking for work I pray that you show me where to go.

Scoured Craigslist today

Totally scoured craigslist today. Didn't find anything good, close or worth not working at Starbucks. Been sick for about 3 days now.

Trying to memorize this verse.
Galatians 6:9 "Let us not give up in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Blog for Fame? Maybe.

So I'm thinking about starting to blog again. Not for fame. Well maybe a little bit for fame. But mostly for a place to put my thoughts. Me and Lynn watched Julie and Julia. Great movie.