Hold on, I've gotta go to the bathroom....Ok, I'm back. I just watched Leaves of Grass with Edward Norton. I enjoyed it. What a crazy but grounded movie.
So I've been seriously running around looking for work and not succeeding in any way. Only a few brief interviews but nothing beyond that. I try and put on a good face and tell them about myself. But everyone wants serving experience. Nobody's willing to take a risk on me. I had a tough time last night dealing with that. My heart rate went sky high. I only had 4ish hours to sleep last night ad woke up half way through that with my heart still racing.
One thought I had while I was watching the movie was that it feels like either God is saying or I'm just feeling it. But I think I've been pursuing money/work to be able to pay rent and survive when me and Lynn get married. And pursuing money has NEVER worked out for me. I wonder if it's just not what I'm supposed to be thinking about? Like should I just make coffee and focus on other things like creating and writing and filmmaking.
I think the reality of not having much money is too real and too arresting to deny. However no matter how many times I try and chase it, it ends in fizzling out. That doesn't mean I should go after it though. I think my mind set of wanting to provide is right, but the logistics and planning aren't neccesarily coming through.
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