delirium sets in

I feel so belittled in the life size model of the earth. I'm smaller than a little green army man, I feel like I'm a young soldier with a war wound. Reliving the battle scenes as if I could have changed the way the war went. Because delirium sets in you know, and it will never leave the mind alone. There's always something more I could have done. I left the war, but the war won't leave me alone.

I want to see me in a crystal ball, with the twinkles of a flashback, and understanding where i am and where I've been. Explain it to me, something, anything, because I don't understand.