I'm watching Youth in Revolt and I don't like it very much. I however do like this idea that every man should have a wild side that they let loose. I feel like sometimes the world is too tame. Or I should say that I feel too tame. It's interesting, cause I think the wild man that you should let loose should be controlled in some way. Like a focused strength.
Strength without focus is anarchy. Bad things happen instead of good.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Just pick something and go for it.
I went to the Mosaic film team meeting tonight. It was really great to see people hopefully come together to create short films or sketches. I would love to be a part of it. I signed up for the think tank. Maybe I can use my brainstorming powers to help. I've always thought I was a good brainstormer.
Dear Lord, send me in the right direction with my life. With my creative juices. I love comedy, I love the idea of creating it. I know that I need to get out of a funk sometimes. I did a good job today going to the meeting when I really didn't know what to expect at all. I should do that more often.
I feel like I have a great potential to be someone who's a great artist and able to use other peoples energies as well. I wish I had that one thing that I could do and ride that for a while at least. I think I've thought that my whole life. There's too many options.
That's true. Just pick something and go for it.
Dear Lord, send me in the right direction with my life. With my creative juices. I love comedy, I love the idea of creating it. I know that I need to get out of a funk sometimes. I did a good job today going to the meeting when I really didn't know what to expect at all. I should do that more often.
I feel like I have a great potential to be someone who's a great artist and able to use other peoples energies as well. I wish I had that one thing that I could do and ride that for a while at least. I think I've thought that my whole life. There's too many options.
That's true. Just pick something and go for it.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A cup of coffee.
I've had my first cup of coffee in the last 4 days. It made the whole day much better. Now, did it make me more productive? No. But I am at least enjoying my day more. I'm a little jittery but the headache is leaving.
Please let that be a foreshadowing of some good things to come.
Please let that be a foreshadowing of some good things to come.
not crush, but grow.
I sat in the sun this morning and soaked up the rays. I wore my sunglasses and shorts. I just might do it again to warm up.
I want to write a comedy sketch today. Not sure if it'll happen. Still getting over being sick.
Got a meeting with Ear Buds tonight. Then after that a "meeting" with Magidoff & Gabe. About the new team structure. Who knows what'll happen with that. I kinda wish we didn't have to pay for a coach. We had a great team going, it coulda been great. I mean like I feel like epic.
Like many areas of my life, it's all become under a microscope and scrutinized. Hopefully to make me a better person. To make me grow, even when I don't want to or feel like I can't. It's a crucible.
I pray that I can form and mold and grow into a productive human being. The kind that people look up to. The kind that my kids look up to. But I don't see it right now. I feel like the more pressure I get from the outside, the more it reveals that I cave in. Where perhaps another person would grow and achieve. Sometimes I crush.
Lord I pray for your strength and wisdom to not crush. I want to breath in and feel good about the day. Start honestly enjoying the day. But I don't think that comes without hard work?
Well today is a new day.
I want to write a comedy sketch today. Not sure if it'll happen. Still getting over being sick.
Got a meeting with Ear Buds tonight. Then after that a "meeting" with Magidoff & Gabe. About the new team structure. Who knows what'll happen with that. I kinda wish we didn't have to pay for a coach. We had a great team going, it coulda been great. I mean like I feel like epic.
Like many areas of my life, it's all become under a microscope and scrutinized. Hopefully to make me a better person. To make me grow, even when I don't want to or feel like I can't. It's a crucible.
I pray that I can form and mold and grow into a productive human being. The kind that people look up to. The kind that my kids look up to. But I don't see it right now. I feel like the more pressure I get from the outside, the more it reveals that I cave in. Where perhaps another person would grow and achieve. Sometimes I crush.
Lord I pray for your strength and wisdom to not crush. I want to breath in and feel good about the day. Start honestly enjoying the day. But I don't think that comes without hard work?
Well today is a new day.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Bust through walls
I've heard it said that sometimes when God closes a door it's for a purpose or that he opens a window or something like that. But then what if there doesn't seem to be any window or door open at all? You start busting through walls.
I've just started to understand taking initiative and that God has given me my brain to make decisions. I've heard a thousand times about people praying and praying and praying for God to let them know what to do. Not that God doesn't have the power to audibly talk, but it's been quite some time since it's happened. Then the reality is that God probably won't tell what to do. Then he leaves decisions in your hands and wants you to seek him the whole way through it. All the time allowing you to use your wisdom through the Holy Spirit ( or the essence of God if you want to think of it that way), to make decisions and all the time bringing glory to God. Why because you rely on him, faith in him, you use wisdom and faith all at the same time. You honestly don't know the outcome of decisions, but you learn from them.
Of course you can lean to far on one side and think that you're taking things into your own hands when you make decisions. On the other you can make no decisions and wait for some sort of specific sign...all the while not making any decisions and wanting the safe and "clear" answer form God.
Of course decisions take time, because if you make too fast decisions with unclear motives it's not wise at all. But if you've honestly sought God and what he has to say, then push through and take initiative. Then I could actually see how if you waited for God to give the clear answer the less faith that would actually take. But taking off with trust actually takes more faith.
In Matthew 21:21 Jesus says "I tell you the truth, If you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done."
I guess the important difference between decisions is faith. If you make decisions solely to get what you want done for sefish reasons then that wouldn't be faith. But if you move with wisdom and reason then you're more on the right track. Then the question arrises that will we ever know enough wisdom or reason to move? Well that's the battle. I don't know the answer to that one. So each person is going to have to deal with that one on their own terms.
Wisdom also becomes more and more with ease the closer the relationship with God. When you know who he is and what he has already said then the more prepared you will be. You couldn't say that practice makes perfect but practicing the relationship with God brings wisdom, Kinda like I said in the first sentence of this paragraph.
So seek wisdom with all you've got, all the resources that God has given you. All the people around you; pastors, friends, mentors, etc. And then move. Bust through walls and you will find a way that you never knew was there. It might or might not be what you expected but to live with it and learn. Then the more walls or window passages you take the more you know how to handle the next situation. So don't stop moving. Just imagine what could be on the other side.
I've just started to understand taking initiative and that God has given me my brain to make decisions. I've heard a thousand times about people praying and praying and praying for God to let them know what to do. Not that God doesn't have the power to audibly talk, but it's been quite some time since it's happened. Then the reality is that God probably won't tell what to do. Then he leaves decisions in your hands and wants you to seek him the whole way through it. All the time allowing you to use your wisdom through the Holy Spirit ( or the essence of God if you want to think of it that way), to make decisions and all the time bringing glory to God. Why because you rely on him, faith in him, you use wisdom and faith all at the same time. You honestly don't know the outcome of decisions, but you learn from them.
Of course you can lean to far on one side and think that you're taking things into your own hands when you make decisions. On the other you can make no decisions and wait for some sort of specific sign...all the while not making any decisions and wanting the safe and "clear" answer form God.
Of course decisions take time, because if you make too fast decisions with unclear motives it's not wise at all. But if you've honestly sought God and what he has to say, then push through and take initiative. Then I could actually see how if you waited for God to give the clear answer the less faith that would actually take. But taking off with trust actually takes more faith.
In Matthew 21:21 Jesus says "I tell you the truth, If you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done."
I guess the important difference between decisions is faith. If you make decisions solely to get what you want done for sefish reasons then that wouldn't be faith. But if you move with wisdom and reason then you're more on the right track. Then the question arrises that will we ever know enough wisdom or reason to move? Well that's the battle. I don't know the answer to that one. So each person is going to have to deal with that one on their own terms.
Wisdom also becomes more and more with ease the closer the relationship with God. When you know who he is and what he has already said then the more prepared you will be. You couldn't say that practice makes perfect but practicing the relationship with God brings wisdom, Kinda like I said in the first sentence of this paragraph.
So seek wisdom with all you've got, all the resources that God has given you. All the people around you; pastors, friends, mentors, etc. And then move. Bust through walls and you will find a way that you never knew was there. It might or might not be what you expected but to live with it and learn. Then the more walls or window passages you take the more you know how to handle the next situation. So don't stop moving. Just imagine what could be on the other side.
One day I will
One day I'll find out where I'm going, but that doesn't mean the wandering will stop.
One day I will wake up in my own house and see my wife staying in the same bed, as if we were married or something. I'll get up to and put clothes on, because that's what people do. Then remember that I have kids and have been alive for 35 years and try to figure out where the time went.
One day my children will sit in my lap and listen to my stories however silly or goofy they might be. But then I'll also tell them stories of how I've traveled, of how their dad loves God, about how I've learned to live out what's in my heart.
Today I will do what I can to start to become who I want to be.
One day I will wake up in my own house and see my wife staying in the same bed, as if we were married or something. I'll get up to and put clothes on, because that's what people do. Then remember that I have kids and have been alive for 35 years and try to figure out where the time went.
One day my children will sit in my lap and listen to my stories however silly or goofy they might be. But then I'll also tell them stories of how I've traveled, of how their dad loves God, about how I've learned to live out what's in my heart.
Today I will do what I can to start to become who I want to be.
tell the story and be part of it
cover me with symphony
sleep in cars with telephone
backwards music video of my life
tell the story and be part of it
grab the stick and it's a sword
eat a hotdog it's a feast
read the words and complete the circle
I'm here because it's in me
drive for miles to where you're meant to be
superpowers are really real
stop the train to save the world
or let it cruise through you
cigarette smoke grows in fields
the same way life grows in the heartbeat
the rhythm repeats what feels natural
I don't understand anything in a maze
but symphony orchestrates my path to follow
sleep in cars with telephone
backwards music video of my life
tell the story and be part of it
grab the stick and it's a sword
eat a hotdog it's a feast
read the words and complete the circle
I'm here because it's in me
drive for miles to where you're meant to be
superpowers are really real
stop the train to save the world
or let it cruise through you
cigarette smoke grows in fields
the same way life grows in the heartbeat
the rhythm repeats what feels natural
I don't understand anything in a maze
but symphony orchestrates my path to follow
afford it?
Dear God, I'm seriously sorry about the times I've been lazy. I pray that somehow I'll be able to afford to get married.
In the midst of looking for work I pray that you show me where to go.
In the midst of looking for work I pray that you show me where to go.
Scoured Craigslist today
Totally scoured craigslist today. Didn't find anything good, close or worth not working at Starbucks. Been sick for about 3 days now.
Trying to memorize this verse.
Galatians 6:9 "Let us not give up in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Trying to memorize this verse.
Galatians 6:9 "Let us not give up in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Blog for Fame? Maybe.
So I'm thinking about starting to blog again. Not for fame. Well maybe a little bit for fame. But mostly for a place to put my thoughts. Me and Lynn watched Julie and Julia. Great movie.
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